Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Tonight I feel a perfect contentment. I could sit for hours more, doing absolutely nothing, sitting perfectly still. I love the contrast of the cold, heavy darkness outside and the warm glow of my little bedroom. The plastic on my windows is dancing so rhythmically that I have even been compelled to turn off my music! The silence feels comforting and, much like the darkness outside, surrounds me like a thick blanket. My Heart is sleeping now, tucked in by the very same silence. Is the wind singing to him as well? I feel comforted to know that I will have the same soft lullaby sung to me, when I finally close my eyes.
Who would have thought that contemplating my own state of mind would bring about such clarity? Before, all that that ever brought me was confusion. For most of my life, my thoughts have been clouded by desire and selfishness. Things that I thought I wanted were things that were not necessarily good. I rarely thought about what was good for me, and that made me care about meaningless things. It feels so good to find Meaning. I would compare the feeling to the first warm day after winter, when the air smells fresh and wet, and your heart races as fast as your feet as you scramble out the door to find warm sunlight to bathe in.. Is there any feeling in the world more freeing than that?? From this point on, this is what drives me. This is my new motivation.
To say that I am lucky would be an understatement, but I am blessed with more than luck. For the rest of my life, I will let my Heart guide me, and I will stay true to him forever.