A Letter to Velouria

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

My Baby Velouria,

Tonight I lay next to you, stroking your hair,

and we stared at each other with sleepy eyes

(like we always do)

in the soft light.

I snuggled my face close to you, and your lashes tickled me,

slowly,

and I felt your lids grow heavy.

I whispered to you then and told you that I loved you,

before you were even born,

and that I wanted you when you were only an idea.

One day, when you are older,

Daddy and I will take you travelling,

and we will wander the world like Gypsies.

 We will lie in the grass on cloudless nights

and stare at the stars,

the three of us,

and (oh, Velouria!) I cannot wait to see the world and all of its wonders,

wide-eyed and innocent,

through you.

My Little One,

even as I type this I am watching you sleep,

and I wonder if it is possible for anyone in this universe

to love another as deeply as I do you.

I wonder,

did my mother do the same with me,

when I was just as small?

Sweetheart,

I look forward to every new day with you and Daddy.

You’re like a beautiful, laughing, squealing, chubby, dimpled dream.

I love you so much.

-Mama

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Glowy and Twinkling

Sunday, October 14, 2007 

  Put your mind inside of a star and look down (waaaay down!) to the Earth and look for me. Do you see that tiny little dot? If you look hard enough, you will see that that little dot is me, staring straight up at you! I don’t really mind being a dot, because when the skies are clear enough, I am bathed in light! And if you look at me then, all glowy and twinkling, you will see that I look like a little star myself! A little star that (maybe) fell out of place in the cosmos and that (perhaps) got trapped in the Earth’s pull and has been here ever since.. And sometimes when I look up at you my eyes hurt a bit, because despite the fact that you are so bright, my pupils do not want to close to you. They want to dilate and pull you inside of me, in much the same way as the Earth’s gravity (possibly) did to me! Maybe if I stare enough I can make you fall too, and we can both stare up together at the night-time sky until all of the stars rain down on us like little icy drops of rain, and we can be happy being dots, forever.

The Reincarnation of Rain

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

 What a beautiful, warm day it has been today. The sun has finally set, and the light-grey sky is still hanging on to the last bit of remaining light. Just moments ago, I heard a hundred birds singing outside, and now as I listen to the last remaining few, I feel a slight vibration of approaching thunder. I can’t wait for the storm. I am ready for it. Every window in the house is open, and the cool breeze has already begun to sneak inside. My naked feet peek out from the blanket that warms the rest of me, and I still feel a trace of warmth lingering in the air. It will be gone soon. As soon as the rain starts, the cold will take over and all warmth will be gone, making way for new sensations to replace the old. I am so thankful for this feeling. Indeed, I am alive.

  I often wonder how much rain one cloud can bear. Like an expectant mother, a cloud carries its child in its womb until it can bear the burden no longer, and once it has swelled to its limit, it releases its child onto the world. I am the mouth that thirsts for this, and until the last raindrop falls, my heart will dance with the trees..

Dear Life,

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

  Tonight, the Universe tightens its hold on the cosmos, and even from my lighted window I see the stars close in on me. I know the chill outside; the clarity of the sky tells all on nights like this. Soon, the crunch of fallen leaves underfoot will turn into the crunch of snow, reminding me of Time and the paths that I have taken since my soul was still young. I feel that my soul is already old, but how could it be so if it will go on forever? Will I always evolve (for the good), even long after my physical death? Will I ever stop? Will I eventually manage the darkness inside of myself, as well as the light? One day I pray that I will understand the Forces that drive people, and have more power over Me. I’m so thankful for the beauty around me. How else would I be able to see myself through to the end without being overwhelmed by the misery in the world? Even now I can hear the wind outside pulling at the trees, free and alive and causing everything that’s drenched in moonlight (or shadow) to stir and rustle and breathe. The sound mingles with my own breath and I feel such a connection with Life that I never want to leave it. I hope I never do.

Silence and Lullabies

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

  Tonight I feel a perfect contentment. I could sit for hours more, doing absolutely nothing, sitting perfectly still. I love the contrast of the cold, heavy darkness outside and the warm glow of my little bedroom. The plastic on my windows is dancing so rhythmically that I have even been compelled to turn off my music! The silence feels comforting and, much like the darkness outside, surrounds me like a thick blanket. My Heart is sleeping now, tucked in by the very same silence. Is the wind singing to him as well? I feel comforted to know that I will have the same soft lullaby sung to me, when I finally close my eyes. 
  Who would have thought that contemplating my own state of mind would bring about such clarity? Before, all that that ever brought me was confusion. For most of my life, my thoughts have been clouded by desire and selfishness. Things that I thought I wanted were things that were not necessarily good. I rarely thought about what was good for me, and that made me care about meaningless things. It feels so good to find Meaning. I would compare the feeling to the first warm day after winter, when the air smells fresh and wet, and your heart races as fast as your feet as you scramble out the door to find warm sunlight to bathe in.. Is there any feeling in the world more freeing than that?? From this point on, this is what drives me. This is my new motivation.  

  To say that I am lucky would be an understatement, but I am blessed with more than luck. For the rest of my life, I will let my Heart guide me, and I will stay true to him forever.